New Plan

So, here's the deal. I've said that I was going to try to write more frequently, but I've still only managed a few posts over this summer. So, I've decided to do an experiment of sorts. I'm going to attempt to write a new post every week (possibly every other week). It will most likely be toward the end of the week, as a kind of week-in-review sort of thing. I'm a little worried that more frequent posts will equal less interesting posts. This will be my attempt to resolve that before it becomes a problem:

1. I'm thinking about starting to add pictures to my posts (or at least one picture per post). My idea for that was something like this: 
 
Last week Tuesday I hung out with some really cool guys and we played some intense board games. We went for a snack run and they had these little ninja guys in the 25¢ machines. So, a few of us got them. My idea is to take a picture of him somewhere throughout my week that has significance to my post. Here he is hanging out at the fire we had this weekend. But, he's going to need a name and for that I turn to you all. Leave a comment with your suggestions for his name and I'll choose my favorite.
2. Since one of the main reasons I don't write more often is a lack of topics, I'm turning to you for that, too. Any topic you can think of that you'd like to hear my thoughts on - post it in your comment, send me a message on facebook, text me, talk to me in person - let me know any way you can and I'll add it to my list. This doesn't mean I won't still be coming up with my own ideas, I'll still have things to write about if I don't get any feedback. But without your ideas, my posts will probably have a lot more about what I did this week and a lot less about the deep, sometimes profound, thoughts I have.
3. As I previously alluded to, I'm probably going to have a few more details on what is going on in my life. I'm hoping that this doesn't make my posts too boring and that people will still enjoy reading them. But we'll just have to wait and see.

Now, onto the other meaning for the title. I'm going to try to start something new in my personal life as well. Earlier this week, I was talking with a really good friend about life, relationships, God's plan and pretty much anything else. He said "Why can't we just be straightforward with each other?" I'm pretty sure he meant this mostly in regards to relationships, and possibly slightly in jest, but it really is a good point. Why do we always have such trouble with telling people how we really feel. It seems like it always boils down to fear. We're afraid of the reaction we'll get. Either we really like someone and we fear the possibility that they may not feel the same, or we don't like someone and fear hurting them. But the thing is that we know that people feel differently about each other. There are some people that I like and others not so much. And I know that those on both ends have similar feelings toward others. So, if we could only realize and accept that, we can get past these childish fears. We can tell people what we actually think of them. Tell that girl that you think she's pretty awesome. Tell your buddy what he does that bugs you. But there's another part to it. Take that feeling that you get when you tell someone how you feel and remember it for when someone tells you how they feel. If you don't feel the same about each other, than you don't feel the same about each other. It really is nothing more than that. Anyway, I feel like I'm starting to lose myself on this. My whole point is that this is something I feel I need to apply to my life. I'm going to strive to be more open and honest with people. It's going to be tough. It might cause rifts in friendships. I hope and pray that it doesn't change things.

I'll wrap this post up with a quick summary. I'm going to try to be more frequent with my blogposts. I need topics (and a name for the ninja) from you guys, my readers. I'm going to add a few more personal tidbits. And I'm going to try to be more straightforward with people. And I challenge you to do so as well.

Puzzles

Why is it called puzzles? That's the puzzle!

So, I recently finished a puzzle I've been working on for a while now. A 2000 piece puzzle of a harbor in France. It was a really fun puzzle to do, but I'm also kind of nerdy like that. It probably took me at least three times as long to finish the sky as it did to complete the rest of the image. This was partially due to my frustration with the fact that almost all of the sky pieces looked nearly the same. The majority of the time was just me looking at it sitting on my floor, not able to motivate myself enough to finish it.

Anyway, while I was finishing up the last few pieces, I started thinking as I sometimes do. I was thinking about how life is like a giant puzzle. We're all just trying to put the pieces together to form a complete image, a complete life. We find that our lives are full of gaps, missing pieces. Naturally, we try to find the pieces that fit. We just want to feel whole. Maybe we try out a new sport. Or try our hand at painting. Read a book. Learn something new. Build something. Accomplish something. But it doesn't work. At least, not in the way we hope. Sure, there will be some pieces that fit, some gaps filled. We'll begin to feel a little more complete. But it won't be enough. There will still be gaps. Empty spaces remain. We've tried every piece that we have, but nothing fits, nothing fills the hole. So, what do we do? We pick a piece and cram it in there, force it to fit. After all, it's better than feeling empty, right? All too often we have pieces in our lives that don't feel quite right, that we know shouldn't be a part of our lives. But we prefer it to the emptiness, so we pursue it. We hold on to these things in a desperate attempt to feel whole.

But even after all of that, even after cramming in the bits and pieces that you know don't belong just so that you can say "Look at me. I've got it all figured out. I don't need anything else.", you realize that there's still a lot of emptiness. But you also find that you have a lot of extra pieces. A lot that you can give. And guess what? So does everyone else.

Now, I kind of feel like I write a lot about relationships. Maybe too much (especially since I'm probably for sure not the best choice for advice on the matter). But I promise this won't be all about the ooey-gooey, lovey-dovey relationships I've written about in the past. Believe me, they have their place in this, too. But this idea applies to the good old friendship relationships, the tight (and not so tight) familial relationships, and even the special man-beast relationships we have with our cats and dogs. Okay, maybe not so much that last one. That's a different story. But one thing about human beings is that we thrive on relationships. In the words of Sanctus Real, "We need each other, so what's the fighting for?" Our relationships that we form with each other are a huge part of who we are. It's not so much that we all have our own individual puzzles, but more like someone took a whole bunch of puzzles, mixed all the pieces together and then divided them up between all of us. We need each other if we ever want to feel complete. And maybe there's something about you that helps fill someone else's life. In turn, they may just make your life more complete. And remember those pieces in your life that really don't belong, the ones you just crammed in there? Someone will come along and help you see that they shouldn't be there and help you find something that should. You need to get rid of those pieces and trust that the spaces will be filled by others in your life.

Sometimes you'll think you've found the right pieces. Sometimes a piece will fit if you just remove a few neighboring pieces. Sometimes they'll even fit with the pieces that are already there. But sometimes when you're making a puzzle, you don't realize that a piece isn't right until you try to fill in the surrounding pieces and can't. You'll have pieces that you know belong that will make it obvious that the one you thought was meant to be there belongs elsewhere. Sometimes people will leave your life and take some of their pieces with them, leaving you feeling empty where you once felt whole. But just as puzzle pieces aren't all the same, there is variety in the figurative puzzle pieces of life. Some are tied to a person and leave when they do. A listening ear, a helping hand, a caring heart. But others become a permanent part of your life. You'll always have the memories, the impressions left on you. Nobody can take all of their pieces when they go. Everyone you meet effects your view on life.

But even with all of your friends and family, even with all of the people that you'll ever meet, even with all of the people that you'll never meet, you won't be able to complete your puzzle. Because there are some things in life that no person can ever give you. No person can. But God can. The perfect love that we all seek, the inconceivable forgiveness that we all need, the matchless sacrifice that none of us deserve. The grace, mercy and salvation that only Christ can offer us, these are the things that are absolutely necessary for completeness. Without Him, you will always be searching for a way to fill the void in your life. It amazes me how much this idea is evident in the mainstream secular world. We see it in the way that society treats money, marriage and morals. "You aren't happy? Well, that's because your husband doesn't love you enough, your job doesn't pay well enough, your social life isn't fun enough. You need to leave him and get a better one. You need to work harder and get that promotion. You need to loosen up and get crazy" But nothing we can do will ever match what Christ does for us. We will never feel completely whole without Him.

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So, I made the mistake of trying to write this post from my phone. I managed to lose nearly all my work twice before I finally decided to write it down on paper and then type it up on my computer. So, it's not quite what I wanted it to be in the beginning, but hopefully it can still speak to someone. Like always, comments, critiques & responses are more than welcome.

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All men are created equal... or are they?

** I got busy again, so this post took me a bit longer than I had hoped. Sorry.**

Alright. Here it is. The super controversial post that I've been putting off writing for a while now. I'm not entirely sure of why I haven't taken the time to put down my thoughts yet. It might be that I'm a little worried about how people are going to take it. It might be that I'm still trying to get back to "normal" after losing my grandpa. Or maybe it's just that I've been so caught up in day to day life that I've not really had the time. Most likely it's a little bit of each and probably some other stuff too. Anyway, I know this is going to be a tough read for some people. Hopefully others will love it. I will probably lose some respect over this, but I may just gain some, too.

Now before you go and take my title the wrong way, let me just straighten that out right away. What I meant is that we aren't all cookie cutter replicas of each other and I think that's something that needs to be better addressed in the Church. But I'll get back to that.

I'm sure that you've heard all about the whole homosexual rights movement thing that's been going on lately. I just thought I'd put my position out there. I personally haven't been following the movement all that closely, but I continuously see it pop up on the news, on social media and just in everyday conversations. I also recently had a conversation with a friend about the issue of homosexuality and whether or not it is a sin. One thing she said was that she couldn't understand my argument because she didn't see it as sinful. So where do I go? To God's word:

"Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable." ~ Leviticus 18:22 

"If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads." ~ Leviticus 20:13 

But Alex, that's Leviticus, the laws for the Israelites. Didn't Christ come and basically say that the old law was fulfilled and that he was the new law? Yes, but there's also New Testament verses that still say that homosexual acts are wrong. For example:

"Don't you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don't fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people-none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." ~ 1 Corinthians 6:9-11

I thought about doing the whole ellipses shortening of that verse thing, but by leaving the entire passage, it helps to demonstrate my view. First off, notice that he doesn't say those who are homosexuals, but rather says those who practice homosexuality. This is one of the huge things that points to the act being the sin, not the orientation. Secondly, I want you to notice that he doesn't just say those who practice homosexuality, but includes the idol worshipers, drunkards, greedy, adulterous, abusive, etc. in the list of those who will not inherit the kingdom. And last, but most definitely not least, reread those last couple of sentences. You were once like that. But you were cleansed, made holy and made right with God by calling on the name of Jesus. By calling yourself a Christian, you choose to put off your old ways. You no longer practice homosexuality. Just like you no longer steal. Or cheat. Or become drunk. Or beat your wife. Or [insert your own personal struggle here]. Yes you may will still struggle with the desires. But the desires lead to sin (James 1:14-15) and we need to learn how to deal with those desires. But that's a whole different discussion.

 The problem is that many people think that being a homosexual is sinful. That if you have an attraction to the same sex, you are sinning. I personally do not believe that. I believe that acting upon those feelings, attractions, desires, is what constitutes the sin. Another part of the problem is that when people share this view, many homosexuals believe it to be the other view. If they are told that what they are doing is sinful, they believe they are being told that they are sinful just for being who they are. 

The truth is, we are all sinful just for being who we are. It's a fact of life. Which leads me to the my next topic, the Church. I feel like the Church as a whole hasn't been doing all to great with the idea that we are all sinners. Now, I can't speak for every church, but I have been to a few of them in my area. Quick clarity point; by Church I'm talking about Christ's bride as a whole, whereas church is an individual church. I believe it is every church's responsibility to accurately portray the Church. Christ laid out quite a bit of what we are supposed to look like as the Church, and I think I can honestly say that I have never been to a church that completely looks like the Church. Of course, that's probably because the Church is full of sinners. At least some churches are attempting to portray the Church. The church I go to now is really into the idea that we are all sinners, we all fall short of the glory of God. We're a very come as you are kind of church. I like that,  because it encourages people to not put on a mask of perfection when they come to church, only to take it off again as they leave. But one thing I've seen at many churches, mine included, is the failure to notice that we aren't all the same. We don't all struggle with the same sins. Some of us face vanity issues. Some of us face homosexual desires. For some it's alcoholism. For some it's pornography. Envy. Hatred. Lying. Cheating. Gluttony. The list goes on and on. Sin is sin. And God has said that anyone who sins, which is every last one of us, whether it be sexual immorality or not honoring our parents, is in the same boat. It is all a direct defiance of His law. The problem I see is that in many churches, we fail to remember that. I've heard of churches who excommunicate members who were caught in an affair. Who are we to decide that one sin is worthy of excommunication and another is not? The truth is that if we kick sinners out of the church there wouldn't be a church left. Though my church doesn't go so far as to excommunicate people (as far as I know) I still see this failure to recognize that we are not all the same but our sins are. There are certain things that are viewed as more acceptable sins than others. I recently talked with someone who said he felt ostracized by the church for something he did. While I hear stories of others who are blatantly disobeying God, but through our wanting to be accepting of all no matter the sin, we almost give approval of a sinful life.

I guess it's all just been bothering me a bit lately. I've been trying to take the faith that I've been raised in and make it into my own. My own personal relationship with Christ. I guess that's what's been getting me to think about this kind of stuff more. But I do believe that this is something that our churches need to work on. We need to stop being churches and become the Church.

Thousands of thoughts running through my head.

I've been thinking about my next post for a while now. I've been working it out in my head, talking with some friends and just trying to work out what I would write. I've had all kinds of ideas and just had to put them down. That post was all but written. But this isn't going to be that post.
This past Thursday was my little sister's high school graduation. My family went, along with my grandma. My grandpa stayed home because he wasn't feeling good. After the ceremony, my sister had her all-nighter with school and the rest of us decided to go out for something to eat. My grandma called my grandpa to see how he was feeling and let him know that she was going out with us. He told her he was feeling a little bit better and was actually able to keep down a bowl of soup. I'm not entirely sure of what else he said, but I know he told her that he missed her and I'm pretty sure he said that he loved her before they ended the call.
We went to Applebee's for half price appetizers and it seemed like just about everyone else in the area did, too. It took us a while to get seated. And it took a while to get our food. And it took a while for us to finish. We watched the Red Wings win. We joked. We laughed. We celebrated my sister's graduation. And then we went home.
When we got back to our house we said goodbye to grandma and she headed home. We went inside and talked, though I can't remember what about. Then we all started settling in for the night. I was feeling kind of tired and was about to head to bed when my dad's phone rang. I thought it was my little sister, calling to be picked up like we had joked about earlier on that night. But it wasn't her. From the few words I could hear and the way my dad's mood changed so quickly, I knew something was wrong.
My grandma had arrived home to find that my grandpa had fallen asleep watching tv. After getting ready for bed, she went to wake him and tell him he should get to bed. He wouldn't wake up. That's when she had called my dad. He called the cops, told my older sister and me to wait for them to let us know what was going on and he took off out the door with my mom. So I sat there with my sister and we waited. That's when the thoughts started to pour in. Every possibility was running through my head. I was hoping beyond hope that we would get a call that he had just been in a really deep sleep. Or that he was on his way to the hospital, but it looked like he would be okay. But those calls just never came. Then, my sister's phone did ring. I hurried over to pick it up, because she was in the bathroom. My dad asked why I had picked up and I told him. He then simply said that grandpa was gone. It hurt to hear the pain in his voice even saying those few words. But I was able to hold it together. I was going to be strong for my dad. As I was trying to figure out if he wanted us to head over or not my sister came in and looked at me, asking the unspoken question with her eyes. I couldn't think of what to say, but she knew just looking at me. She started bawling. Then I lost it. That's what pushed me to the point where I could no longer hold back tears. I don't even know how long we stood there, tears pouring from my eyes, my older sister sobbing in my arms, all while I held the phone to my ear listening to a similar situation at the other end, not knowing what to say.
We drove over and by the time we got there the EMTs were leaving. Walking in the door just felt weird. I feel like that has become my new word to describe everything. Weird. But we sat up talking. And crying. And every once in a while laughing at a funny memory. It just all felt so surreal. There were a couple police there and we had some people come to talk through things with us. I think it was at least three in the morning before we ended up heading home, but I didn't really sleep much at all. I wasn't really tired anymore.
It wasn't really expected, but it also wasn't really not expected. My grandpa had had heart problems in the past that had put him in the hospital a few times. Those were the scares. But there was nothing to say that this time should have been any different. They told us that he most likely fell asleep and didn't even notice it at all when it happened. The heart attack was so sudden and so strong that he didn't have any pain. It was just one second he was there and the next he was gone. I guess that's really something to be happy about. I've seen people suffering and I'm glad he didn't have that. The crappy part though, is not really having a chance to say goodbye.
I read through an older post of mine that talked a little about death. It made me realize a couple things. One, that I used to be a lot better of a writer. Two, on a more serious note, I don't remember what the last thing I said to my grandpa was. Or what his last words to me were. It was probably the usual "Love you"s and goodbyes of when I would leave their house, but I just can't remember for sure. And that's just one of those thoughts that I've thought ever since that phone call. Sometimes it will be a random memory that will just come out of nowhere and rip at my heart. Sometimes it's something he used to say that will make me smile.
Friday night I had a wedding to go to with a friend. I thought it would be a good idea to go and keep my mind off things. Plus it was a chance to hang out with a great friend who I hadn't seen much lately and won't have another chance to see for a while. It was nice. I had a good time and it kept me from thinking too much. But it also just felt weird. And they had us sing "Amazing Grace" which brought tears to my eyes. I remember thinking how it's not really what I would think of as a wedding song.
After the wedding I just kind of drove around for a little while, not really wanting to go home. I got stuck at a train when it stopped on the tracks. Twice. I welcomed the chance to just sit with my thoughts, but after 15 minutes, went searching for another route. When I finally ended up at home, I had a random song pop into my head, looked it up and waited until I had listened to the whole thing before going inside. Switchfoot's "I Don't Belong Here" had a special message for me that night. It reminded me that this isn't our ultimate home. We don't belong in this world full of hate, pain, disease, death and sin. It brought me a bit of comfort that night, knowing that my grandpa was in a place so much better than where we are.
Sunday morning is probably the first time it really hit me hard. We went to church, only to find out that the message was going to be about suffering. That fact alone was like God reaching out and smacking me with reality. Then all the songs were chosen based off of the message. I couldn't sing. At all. I kept getting choked up, looked over to see my mom and sister were both crying too. Then one of the guys sitting across the aisle from us left and got us a box of tissues. It was such a simple little gesture, but the impact it had on me was massive. I thought to myself, "That's what the church should be." It doesn't always have to be a grand gesture. It doesn't even have to be the right words. It doesn't even have to be any words at all. But sometimes people just need to know that you're there for them, that you want to help. Even if it's such a small thing as grabbing a box of tissues. Such a small thing could actually be a really big thing. Anyway, back to the songs. The song that really got to me was the first song we sang, "Your Love Never Fails". It basically just talks about how even in the toughest times, God will always love us no matter what. It just got me thinking about how all of this is in God's hands and I couldn't help but picture my grandpa standing right there  with my God in unimaginable joy. From that song on, I could only get a few words out before choking up again.
Yesterday was weird. There's that word again. Weird. It was supposed to be a happy day of celebration, honoring the freedoms we have and the men and women who have fought to give them to us. Instead, it was a dull, dreary, drizzly day. We didn't really do much. Had an open house to go to for a friend and I went back to work for the first night since it happened. Work was a welcome distraction. It's funny how work usually seems to drag on, but when I actually seek that feeling, time flies on by.
Today is the visitation. And tomorrow, the funeral. I know that these couple of days are going to be the hardest, the days I really get hit with the realization that he is gone. Prayers for my family would be greatly appreciated.
Well, I've been writing this post for a few days now. I've just been unable to finish it and unsure if I really wanted to post it. Overall, I think it's mostly just been a way for me to process things. I feel like it's helped me make sense of things. My thoughts have calmed a bit. I'm not sure if it would be of much help to anyone else, but I guess I'll just post it anyway. It's not my best writing, I know that. It's more just a bunch of my feelings and thoughts poured out. Anyway, if you've made it here, thanks for reading the whole thing. I'll try to write again in a few days, when I can have a more reflexive perspective. Hopefully that will be a more helpful post.

My own personal civil war.

Over this past week, I've done a lot of nothing, really. Mostly, I've just been sleeping a lot, watching a bunch of tv and movies, and doing quite a bit of reading. This is partially due to the fact that I'm supposed to be resting up after the removal of my wisdom teeth. The surgery went well, as far as I know, and I'm pretty sure I'm toward the end of my recovery. The other reason for my lack of doing anything is that I really don't have much that I have to do. My only real responsibility at the moment is my job. I didn't get the internship, which means that I'll remain at home for this summer. I'm during to look at the positive side though. I don't have to rush to figure out moving across state. I don't have the issue of worrying where I'll work when the end of summer comes around. I have a whole year to find an internship that will be groping something I really want to do instead of taking an internship because it's all I was able to get. So, I'm starting to think it's not all bad that I didn't get the internship.

Now on to the reason for this post. As I said earlier, I've been doing a lot of reading recently. Well, I guess it's actually rereading. I'm currently going back through a great series, The Circle by Ted Dekker. I've already gone through Black and Red and I am almost done with White. Then there's Green to complete the circle. It's a great series and I highly recommend it.
Anyway, my point is that these books have some amazing concepts in them that have brought me to examine my life. I'll try to avoid giving any spoilers, so I'll just give my thoughts and not what in the books lead me to them.

I have my fair share of things that I've done that I know I shouldn't have. I also believe that many people can identify with that. The worst part of it is that it doesn't stop. It never will for as long as we live on this earth. We will always do wrong, we will always sin. I know exactly how Paul felt when he wrote these words;

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." - Romans 7:15

I constantly catch myself thinking something, saying something, doing something, that I know I shouldn't. I believe that that is the first step in a process, a sign that God is working in you. Without Him, we would never feel as if our actions are wrong, no matter what we do. Now, done people might say that people have a conscience to tell them right from wrong, but I argue that the concept of a conscience is an idea conceived by those who do not know God and are therefore incapable of seeing Him. I think that our "conscience" is just one of the ways that God speaks to us.

The second step of the process would be taking this realization of wrongdoing and deciding to do something about it. I'm not sure that I have made it past this point in the past, but I am for sure doing so now. This is where the title comes from. I've taken up arms against myself. I've declared war. But the thing is, we will never be able to win the battle on our own, let alone the war. We must have allies. First and foremost, there's our greatest ally who we would literally have no chance without. We must ask God to help us. And not just a simple "Dear God, help me with this, k thanx bai." kind of prayer. We need to fully rely on Him and truly believe that He is capable of anything. We must be constantly in prayer. Now that doesn't mean we have to literally part every waking second of the day, but rather to keep out focus on God and reach out to Him whenever we feel weak. But don't forgot to also reach out in thanksgiving in the other times, because without Him you wouldn't have those times.

It can also be extremely helpful to talk to someone else. Whether that person is a friend, a family member, our just someone you look up to, having someone who cares about you, who knows what you are struggling with, can make a huge difference in the outcome. Even just writing this post has helped me gain an interesting perspective on my struggles.

There are more than just two steps in this process. It doesn't just end when you've won the battle. There will be more battles, more struggles. Some may be the same as ones that you've fought before and hopefully you'll be able to make it through them easier. Others will be new to you, but I can almost guarantee you they aren't new to everyone. There is someone who has gone through it before who can help you.
In Hawk Nelson's song Let's Dance there is a line that says "I don't want to look inside myself, cause then I'd have to change something else". The song goes on to talk about how we need to stay true to ourselves and not change ourselves to be the way the world wants us to be. I feel like these words gold another truth though, when viewed from a different perspective. I think this might be something that a lot of people think. We don't want to look inside ourselves, because if we do, we'll know that we are doing wrong and we'll know that we have to change those things. Sometimes it seems like it would just be easier if we don't know that the wrong we do is wrong, so we avoid thinking about those kind of things.

I challenge you to look inside yourself. Find those things which you need to change. Confide in someone to help you. And take up arms. Take up arms in your own personal civil war.

I'm coming back, but my wisdom teeth won't be.

So, it's been a while since my last post. Like a really long while. Like almost two years. So here's my short little spiel addressing that.

It's been a while, I know. I want to get back into this again. I've actually wanted to for some time now. I never wanted to stop in the first place, I just got busy. I know that's an excuse and I could have made time to write, but I feel it was a little more complicated than that. There were several times when I had something I felt like writing about but got overwhelmed with things going on at the time.

Anyway, I'm hoping to start writing posts again and to try to do so somewhat frequently. I have a few ideas of things to write about, but could always use more ideas, so your suggestions are always welcome.

Now to the reasons that bring me back today. Lately I've felt like I've really been faced with questions and decisions that will greatly affect my life. I only have about a year left before I graduate. When I graduate, though, depends on if I can get an internship for this summer. I had an interview this past Friday. They told me they'd most likely let me know by today or tomorrow. Since I haven't heard anything today, I'm
expecting a call tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'm also having my wisdom teeth removed. So, I'm not expecting to be fully with it. So, I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do about that call. Either way, this internship could be a big part of my life.

If I get the internship, it means moving across the state for the summer. I know I can cope with living on my own, since I've done it before, but I also feel like this would be a whole new experience for me because of where it would be located.

On the other hand, of I don't get an offer, I most likely won't get one for this summer. I would have to get one next summer and then wouldn't graduate until the end of that summer. That means I wouldn't be able to get a "real" job for an extra three months, but it may be more likely that the company I intern with would offer a job after graduate.

All in all, there a lot more things than just this to consider. But I'm pretty sure I'd take it if given an offer.

There are also a lot of other decisions I'm facing now. I think this is part of the reason why I'm thinking about starting too write again. I guess it just seems like it might help to chronicle my decisions and choices. Hopefully I'll be able to provide some insight to others facing similar decisions as well.

I'm going to leave it at that for today, but I hope to follow up on this soon. Feel free to suggest topics and I'll try to give my thoughts on them.

What Have You Been Doing Lately?

Well, to answer that question. I haven't been up to too much. I've been working at Spectrum Health Distribution Center since the beginning of June and I really like it there. I work for an amazing company, with some really great people. I've been getting ready to go back to school since we've got less than two weeks until classes start again. (Possibly more to come on that topic). I recently started to do Power 90 in an attempt at being healthy/getting in shape. Other than that, most of my time has been spent with friends and family (specifically one special person in particular). But enough about me, now on to the real reason for the title.

As some of you may know, "What Have You Been Doing Lately?" is the name of a song by one of my favorite bands, Relient K. I'm allowed to listen to music where I work, so I do so frequently. This song came on the other day and it really hit me and got me thinking. Some of the lyrics that really stand out to me come in at the bridge;

"Pardon me while I throw up. I guess some people never grow up. 
What happened to the salvation you claimed? It breaks my heart to see how much you've changed."

Whenever I hear these words in the song,  immediately start to think of people in my life who I've seen this happen to. It truly does break my heart to see how much some of my friends have changed. But then I started to think about it more, and realized this is an even bigger problem than just people changing from who they used to be. 
(I know this is probably one of the things people have heard over and over again, but I've just had it on my mind for a while and felt like I should share my view on it). This is part of the reason why our society has such a negative stereotype of Christians. They call us hypocrites, and I can't say I completely disagree. There are so many people out there who claim to be Christians, but don't show it in the way they act. Now, I don't want to seem judgmental. Don't get me wrong, I'm not without my vices (and I'm sure some of my friends could easily point them out to you), but I'm trying. I just see people who one day are standing up in church professing their faith in Christ, and the next weekend are out partying, drinking, and having sex. 


I think what needs to happen is a revival of the faith. Those who claim to be Christians ought to re-examine Christ's teaching in the Bible. I'm talking about actually reading it for yourself and truly learning how Christ wanted us to live. After all, isn't that exactly what being a Christian is all about? Being a follower of Christ?

Death and Relationships

~~~Sorry it's a couple days later than anticipated. I had a couple things come up and I wasn't able to finish it until now. Heck, it still isn't completely finished, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. ~~~


Yup. I'm going to do it. I'm going to attempt to give my take on two very controversial topics. You might wonder why I would combine these two things. Well, I'm not entirely sure. But as some of you know, I've recently been watching How I Met Your Mother. Relationships are a very large part of that show. But I'm going to come back to that. I'm going to start with the more morbid of the two topics, which also comes up in the show (though I'm going to try to not ruin anything for those of you who haven't seen it).

Death. Many of us don't want to think about it. It's a real part of our lives, though. Everybody experiences it at one point or another. I personally have had three encounters that I can remember.

My aunt passed away when I was 13. We were never very close. She had been fighting a long battle with cancer and her passing was, in a way, expected. I can't remember why it was that I didn't go to the funeral, I only remember not going. It was a  little weird not seeing her at family events - like Thanksgiving - anymore, yet we also knew that she was, for lack of a less cliche term, in a better place. She was without pain in the presence of our Lord and Savior. In a note that she left for my cousins she put things so plain and simply, "Don’t be unhappy. I will be very happy in a wonderful place...."

The second time was a very different story. I was invited to a weekend experience called Teens Encountering Christ. When I got there, I knew maybe two or three people. My friend Emily ran up and gave me a big hug when I walked through the door. Pulling on my arm she said, "Come on, you've got to meet Henry." And that's how I was introduced to Henry Jacob Ditmar, the fifth. 3 months later, I was working the next TEC weekend, when we received the news that Henry had been in a car accident and had gone to be with God. The atmosphere of the weekend was completely different from that moment on. There was a lot of hugging, a LOT of crying, and a lot of consoling.

My third experience was similar. Similar in the fact that some would say he was far too young to be taken from us. But different as well. You see, I did not personally know Joel Koning. His death still greatly impacted my life. He was a very good friend to many of my very good friends. One thing I learned was that people cope with things in many different ways. I remember one night soon after, I got a call, or a text, from a friend asking if she could come over so we could talk. I said sure. I wasn't sure what we'd talk about, since I was expecting she'd want to talk about Joel and I didn't know much about him. But instead she just wanted to talk. So, we talked. I can't remember what it was that we talked about, but I do remember her asking that we talk about anything else. She had just been constantly asked about him and whether she was alright, and she told me she just needed to talk about something else. So that's what I did for her.

Through these events in life, and the episode of HIMYM "Last Words", I've come to realize something. You never know when something you say could be your last words to someone. You don't know what the last impression you have on someone will be. And that's where my two topics tie together. Relationships are formed every single day. You create a relationship with every person you ever meet. But what that relationship actually turns out to be is completely up to you.  My question to end one topic as we begin the next is this; You want your last words and actions to be good memories for your friends and family, but do the other people in your life deserve any less?

The majority of people you meet will be nothing more than that, just acquaintances. But a lot of people will be so much more. Our lives are built on relationships. Not just boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, but our relationships with our family, our friends and even our teachers and mentors. I'm going to focus on the typical boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, though much of this is applicable to almost any relationship. First off, I'm going to start by saying this is completely my opinion, and I'm sure lots of people have other opinions. I'm not saying my way is right and everyone else is wrong, I'm simply giving my perspective.

My main view on dating is this: You date as a means of finding your future spouse. And that's it. To me it makes absolutely no sense for you to date someone you can't see yourself married to. If you can think of a good reason to stay with someone you couldn't marry, I'd love to hear it. That being said, I'm going to go into a bunch of random thoughts on relationships. Some of this may sound incredibly elementary, but I'm going to say it anyway. In no particular order, here we go...
1. Never change who you are for somebody else. You shouldn't have to be someone you aren't in order to gain the acceptance of another person. Especially in a dating situation. By pretending to be someone you aren't you'll only end up being unhappy and one (or both) of you will end up getting hurt.
2. It's possible to be friends with your exes. The problems come from immaturity or one person still having feelings for the other. Don't get me wrong, in many situations, you'll still care about them. But if part of your thought process in being friends is "Hey, if I'm a good enough friend, she might realize she wants to date again." you should probably give it a little more time before being friends.
3. Fighting isn't necessarily a bad thing. Well, I should clarify... Arguing isn't necessarily a bad thing. If you're physically fighting, you may want to re-examine the relationship. But an occasional spat can actually be healthy in a relationship, especially when the alternative is refusing to acknowledge the issues.

I'm going to leave you with this; one of my exes is now my best friend. We didn't date for long, but after we broke up we quit talking. After a while we started talking again, only to realize the reason we hadn't talked was that each of us thought the other was mad. So, more often than not, talking about things is your best option. And though she's my best friend now, she knows that someday she'll have to relinquish that position to a wonderful woman who God puts into my life.

That's going to be it for now, I'd kind of like to just publish this and get it out there so I can get your thoughts on it. I might come back and edit it in a couple days. But if you have any specific questions I'd love to try (key word being try) to answer them. Leave some sweet comments and I'll come back and edit the post in response.

Ten Years

I've had a pretty interesting weekend.
Friday night after work, Dan came over. See, we had decided we wanted to go to Steak'n'Shake to try their new breakfast. Somehow, we came to the conclusion that the only way it would work was if one of us stayed over and we left early in the morning. Since my parents were on their return from Boston with my dad's new toy, we decided to just hang out at my house. For some inexplicable reason, we decided to just stay up all night. Well, I made it all the way through the night, but Dan crashed for a couple hours around 4:30. Then it was off to SnS for some delicious eats. Before we left, we had a few interesting encounters while chatting in the parking lot.

When I got home, I realized I was not in the least bit tired, and for some crazy reason I felt the desire to run. So, I put on my tennis shoes and took off. Now, I'm not much of a runner (as pretty much all of you know), so it was more of a run/walk/run/walk/run... Pretty soon after I left I realized just how hot and muggy of a day it was turning out to be. The beanie I had been wearing quickly left my head and found it's way to my pocket. Somewhere toward the end of my "run" I decided the shirt had to go too. Unfortunately, it doesn't fit in my pocket as easily as my hat. So, I ended up finishing off the run with my shirt hanging out of the back of my shorts. I probably looked like I had a tail. A really odd tail.

That wasn't the most embarrassing thing I did this weekend though. Nope. Not at all. Kenzie came home from her week long mission trip in New Jersey. Being the nerd that I am, I decided to make a fool of myself in front of all the people she was on the trip with and I showed up to pick her up dressed as Clark Kent/Superman. Yeah. I'm a nerd.

Now onto something a little more serious.
(Disclaimer: I make the assumption that my readers are Christian as I'm pretty sure the only people who read this are my friends. If by some chance you have come across my blog by some other manner and you are not a Christian, I apologize for the assumption.)

So, today on TV there was a commercial for "The Doctors" and on it they said "Who here wants to look 10 years younger?". Now, I know what they mean and all, but for me that would be really odd. That's over half my age. And yes, it puts a funny picture in your head, thinking "If I looked like I were 9 years old tomorrow..." But it also got me thinking about some more serious stuff. Like the fact that I've already been on this earth for nearly two decades. How weird is that? But more than that, it made me think about the future. About the next ten years. I mean if you are truly honest with yourself, where do you want to be in ten years? Or more so, where do you think you WILL be? Will you have a degree? How about a job? A career? Who will you be friends with? What about marriage? Children?
For me, I'd really like to have a nice job and be settled down. Maybe have a kid or two. Or a dog. I hope I'll still be friends with my current friends. I can't imagine what life would be like without some of them. But the truth is, a lot can change in ten years. And a lot of that is completely out of our control. I guess, simply put, we just have to "Let go and let God." We need to give ourselves completely to him.
  "I know You're God and all... and You're all knowing and all seeing and you see our lives beyond the limits of time, but I just feel like I can handle this part of my life myself."
Sounds pretty stupid if you ask me. But we all say it. Maybe not so bluntly, but by not fully giving ourselves to Him it's exactly what we're saying. I do it too, don't get me wrong. I just feel like if we all try to give God a little more control in our lives, it will be a lot easier.

This doesn't mean that we have to pray about every decision in our lives and not act until we hear from God. But pray for his guidance in your decisions. And when you make choices, ask yourself if the choice you made is glorifying to Him. I know you probably hear that quite a bit, but really think about it. If someone who didn't know you at all based their entire perception of you off that one decision, what would they think of you? And what if they then found out that you were a Christian, and then associated your actions with God? The truth is, it happens quite often. I've heard stories of people who were completely turned off from the Christian faith because of the way that just one person, who bears the Christian name, presented their self.

Well, my thoughts are getting kind of scattered, and this post is getting kind of long, so I think I'll wrap it up.
Three final things before I go.

1. This is kind of hypocritical as I don't follow it much myself but I'm working on it. Comments. They're great. Not only just for feedback and criticism (which I always welcome), but they also just let you know that people are actually reading what you have to say. So even short little quips are awesome to get.
2. I've been finding it kind of hard to come up with topics (as most of them come to me when I have no time to write), so any suggestions on what to write about will be seriously considered, and most likely attempted.
3. I don't have a three. I thought I did, but now there's nothing. But I'd just rather not go back and change the "three" to a "two". So, I guess I do have a "three". I basically just write whatever comes to my mind and don't do too much editing. So I apologize for random tangents and for writing that is "all over the place".

Fore!

Well, I'm sort of just in the mood to write, so I figured we'd take a shot at round two of this. I had a topic that I really wanted to write on, but it's a tough one to do and today gave me a different idea as well. So, even though I was hoping to devote this second post to the topic of regrets and past decisions, I think I'll just save that for later. Part of the reason is that I think most of what I want to say about regrets has been told to nearly everyone for almost their whole entire life (or at least since they've reached the point that they might have made some poor decisions).
Anyway, I've had a pretty good weekend. I had a great bunch of friends over yesterday for burgers, swimming, games and movies, and I really just had a great day. This morning we had a guest preacher, Rev. Mary Hulst, the chaplain at Calvin College. She had a very interesting sermon about all the different religions and how each has their own ways of being "made righteous", but the main point was how Christianity is different in that it's only through God's grace that we are saved. That it's His gift that brings us into righteousness. And I'm not entirely sure if it was just that I've heard the message so many times, or if it was just her style of delivering the message, but I honestly was having a difficult time paying attention. I still heard everything she had to say, and understood the meaning behind her message, but my focus wasn't really where it ought to have been. And I really don't like that.
Well, I might come back to that, but moving on... After a wonderful lunch and a few hours of reading/passing out in the sun out back, I ended up spending the night playing a total of 23 holes of disc golf with Dan and Zac. Now, I've only gone a few times, and I'll admit that it shows, but I feel like overall today wasn't a bad day for me. Then after disc golf, with a TBell break for supper, Dan and I ended up back at his house, where we played a nice game of Settlers with Greg. And after a good couple hours of that and an interesting chat, I headed home. That is why I started writing this at 1 A.M. (and I apologize if that causes it to be a little incoherent).
But on my way home, I was thinking over the happenings of the day and I sort of realized something. It may be that I'm just tired, but in a way disc golf can actually be a pretty good analogy for life. Now you're probably thinking, "Hey, wait a minute. Where exactly are you going with this??", but hear me out , this sort of makes sense. At least to me it does. When your discing - or even regular old golfing for that matter - there's a bunch of "holes" you try to reach, in as few throws as possible. Well, I see this as sort of like how in life we have a list of goals for ourselves that we try to accomplish in the most efficient way possible. But sometimes things just don't go as planned... Your throw doesn't go quite as far as you wanted it to, or maybe it even goes in completely the wrong direction. Sometimes you blame it on other things - I mean, it can't be your fault, right? - It would have been the perfect throw, but the disc just slipped a little early or if only that tree wasn't there you'd have a perfect lie. And we do this in our lives, too. So often, we try to pin our own shortcomings off on some other factor or person. We want to just start over, or sometimes just skip the hole completely. But in disc, you don't do that (with the exception of the occasional mulligan). You just shrug it off, go find your disc, and try extra hard on your next throw to make up for lost distance.
Alright, maybe that wasn't such a great analogy. To be honest, I really just wanted to make a semi-philosophical  post involving disc golf. But hey, it kind of worked and maybe you'll actually get something out of it.
Well, it's late, this post is getting long, and I kind of agreed to help Cari with landscaping at her grandmother's house tomorrow. So, I'm off to bed, but I'll leave you with one last thing. I've kind of gotten caught up with watching the show How I Met Your Mother lately and I've actually been getting quite a lot out of it. So, look forward to a possible future post about one or more episodes. And I may also throw in some random references from here on out, too.

Ta ta for now and may you all have a blessed evening (all 3.5 of you).

Mazes

   Yes, I have decided to join the blogging world, too. The title's kind of lame, but that may change. I think there's always been a small part of me that wished to do something like this, but a large part of my decision actually comes from the inspiration of a great friend. My friend Zac Baker, whom most of you will probably know, recently began blogging as well, and I've really enjoyed reading his perspective on things. He has some pretty awesome posts so far, so you should check them out here. My posts will be similar in nature to his; meaning they will simply be the random thoughts that come to mind. I can't say I'll be very consistent on posting, or even be consistent on consistency, probably having sporadic periods of blogging overload interrupted by vast droughts of nothingness. Also, I'd like to apologize in advance for any tangents that may be gone off on. I'm planning on not really planning. I'm just going to let my mind wander and let that flow down to my fingers. So, if it gets laboriously long and tangential, I apologize. If you can stick with it through that, I commend you.

   Now, the reason I decided to start this on this particular day, rather than any other, is that I came across a web comic my friends and I peruse on occasion. I'd seen this specific "strip" a few times before, but only today had it had the effect that it did. This will probably make a lot more sense if I start off by showing it to you, so here you go; Clicky-Clicky. When I saw this today, at first I just thought to myself what I thought every other time, "Ahhh, he's trying to say that we go through life from the moment we're born to the day we die and it's up to us to make the decisions that define what that looks like. We can make our lives as simple as we want - a straight shot from birth to death without much excitement on the way - or we can take twists and turns and create a somewhat chaotic, yet oddly beautiful, design of our lives." But then I started to realize something. It's not completely up to us to "fill in our maze" as Dante puts it, but rather it is a collective work, a collaboration, of our own choices, as well as those of the many people who come into our lives. Even if you wanted to have that simple, straight shot to the end kind of life, it's not really up to you. Every person we interact with has a profound impact on our lives. And sometimes when we're making a portion of our maze it just comes to a dead end. We feel like there's nothing left to do. We feel trapped. But then other people come along and help you open a new door, if you will. You can get out of that long empty corridor to nothingness and keep moving. And sometimes, when the best kinds of people come into your life, they open up a path into their own maze. And your mazes join together, and they truly become a part of your life and you a part of theirs.

   But one of the best parts about it is that God is always watching over the process. He's going to make sure that our mazes don't end up completely in dead ends. He'll always provide a way through to keep moving on. He guides our choices, and those of our friends, family, coworkers, figures of authority, and all others with whom we interact, so that our lives can bring glory to Him. I guess it just changes the way I look at everyday situations.

  Well, I feel like I could continually write on this topic, but alas the time has come for me to wrap this up. It's getting long and I have a mother calling me to do housework. So, farewell for now. And please, let the comments, good and bad, pour in like a monsoon.